Through it all I've made my mistakes

a lesson learned.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:28:31 GMT

"When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy."

Friendship.
An incident involving a very close friend taught me what it really is. Not that fake shit that Ive been dealing with from back home. Not the stupid "Hi how are you" formalities. No, I mean real, in your face, calling you on your bullshit, holding your hand when you are crying kinda friendship.

Friends are not the people you get drunk with all the time but dont walk you home. Friends are not the people who say they'll be there but leave you hanging. Friends are the ones who hold your hand on the steps when you are scared of failing. Friends are the ones who comfort your fears when the rest of the world is telling you no and all you want to do is succeed. Friends who are next to you in the hospital in a formal dress and heels cracking jokes to make you smile, adjusting the uncomfortable bed pan that is meant to fit the ass of a midget and are the people who talk the nurses into giving you 50 blankets cause they saw you shivering. I think this week taught me friendship.

It talk me that no matter what I have my sorority sisters. But more importantly it taught me that it doesnt matter what time it is, if a friend is in trouble, we will find you and help. Alcohol is the demon for every college student and sometimes it bites us in the ass hard. But surround yourself with good people who you trust, who love you and will take care of you without asking. And then it makes everything better.

She kept saying "go home. you shouldnt be here."
See, it took her a bit to understand. Real friends are always there.

She wouldve had to have lifted me up last night to get me to leave.

I could use so many quotes from so many people who have come before me to end this silly livejournal rant that means really nothing in the real world and i doubt anyone will read but thats ok. Because I know that if the roles were reversed she would have out run the cops to be here for me.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 18:29:52 GMT

I got features editor for the whit, Rowans newspaper.

I am very happy.

:) :) :) :) :)

cause shes a whore

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:49:51 GMT

last night was flippin awesome.
So I was just not in a good mood for the second half of the day. My speech did not go as planned and my meeting with the guy from the theatre department was kind of a dud and I really needed something good to cheer me up. So on came my friends. After being attacked with a wiffle bat and being teased endlessly at the theater house, I met up wit Lauren for dinner and eventually Matty and Pete joined and it was a grand ol' occasion with Student center food and alot of walking to get our tickets. We met up wit the rest of the crew for the Nick Swardson performance which was really funny. I hadnt seen his comedy at all but he was really funny. Makes me wanna watch Grandmas Boy again. for the fourth time.
Luckily we had taped the season premiere of the Office on my VCR and me and the guys came back to my room to watch it. SOOOO GOOD. I frickin love pam and jim together. so happy. so happy. especially considering within the first two minutes meredith is hit by a car. i love the show. then onto Wendys for good food, shouts of vagasil and back to the apartment for talks of condoms and me being the only female in the room, had to give my insight. I love hanging out wit these guys.
Today is gonna be a mix of joy and pain as I have work at 530 (UGH) to 11 and then Im going to the theater house for a party.
Gonna be interesting for sure.

Somehow my life is just one thing after another lately and its really starting to get to me. Im going to have to cut something out soon else bad things happen. I dont know how I manage to do everything but i slept late for the first time in 3 weeks this morning and I was a happy camper. tho my roommates cell phone alarm went off three times waking me up each time. ....not happy bout that.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 04:43:28 GMT

I leave for Newark Airport at 130pm today to take a 11 1/2 hour flight to Krakow, Poland. Im SOOOOO excited.
So yea. Ill be gone for 7 days and wont have any contact really with America cause my cell wont work there. But Im gonna take Loads of pictures and video and amazing shit cause im gonna miss everyone. If theres a computer, expect emails. lol.

see ya guys in 7 days!!!

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 18:54:12 GMT

So I guess I was sick.
I ended up having a horrible cold from last monday through the weekend til sunday. Sunday was the first day i woke up not feeling like utter shit. I felt so bad on friday that i went home and pretty much just laid around and hung out wit melissa watching movies. Better now thank god cause Im going home in 3 hours for break.
A week off....but not really cause I have a shit load of hwk to do which ultimately sucks.
ughhh but happy times.

talk about a live show.

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 05:39:23 GMT

First investment when I get an extra 20 dollars: A ska hat from spencers . Apparently I look really good in them according to my friends Plummer and Tom.

Suburban Legends concert in Philly tonight at First Unitarian Church. Minus the freezing cold, and getting asked for change a million times by the same homeless dude, it was AMAZING. Patent Pending and MC Lars who played before Suburban Legends were awesome though Patent was a little screamo for me but MC Lars made me and my friends feel old in a crowd made up of mainly preteens and high school kids. I am utterly exhausted right now from standing in cold weather for awhile waiting to get in as well as walking around the same block of Philly for two hours. Not to mention the fact that I skanked ie danced my ass off in the middle of the pit as well as got pulled into the pit at one point. The cold weather, the lack of finding places to hide, the "its not gay if theres no man on man touching if a girl's in between". We got the one band member to sign a pizza box for Plummer cause we didnt have anything else to sign. Oh yea and we met and talked to every single member of the band. Tom and Bird, Plummer's friend, got drum sticks. I just got to have an awesome kickass amazing time. So yea. Im becoming an adopted ska kid. And Im loving every single minute of it.

Bed time now. 730 meeting in the pit for ASA. nitey all.

needles dont phase me

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 17:39:16 GMT

Ah. Valentines Day. the holiday for hallmark and lovers and singles awareness day. Gotta love it.....or not. I mean I loved my valentines day. Ron and I celebrated our one month on the same day. He got me chocolate of course, scrapbooking stuff as well as a gift certificate to joyce leslie. He freaked when he saw the corona street sign I got him. He took me out to applebees for dinner cause he knew that I am obsessed with the place and miss my HPAs as well as the friends who i used to have my daily HPA with. He is so sweet. We came back to his dorm and watched fast times at ridgemont high (such the typical movie) . Ron ahhhh.....good times. Last night was awesome, hanging out with my ASA sisters who crack me up. Who knew that we can have physical week at a Dennys?? Its good to be around a group of girls again. I used to have my 3 members of the quatro around 24/7 back home and I miss them dearly and coming here I have mostly all guy friends. I mean, my 4 closest friends since the beginning are guys. I have my girls now, Sam Lauren Amber and Kate who I love dearly and who crack me up. Seriously wit sam lauren kate and i in the apartment next year its gonna be crazy times and im so stoked for it. Seriously, we beat each other up but at the end of the day we love each other. Plus we are investing in a punching bag haha. good times. But I love my girls at all ends of the state. I miss my quatro who have been there since the beginning but we are all going to be home for spring break so yay for that!!! I am excited to see my Teresa who is safe and sound in Newark. yea....like i said...newark. But yea. Tonight is the ASA date party which i am so stoked for. seriously i cant wait. Its a tropical theme, im wearing this like cute top i found and these gaucho/capris that i got at joyce leslie. but yea. its gonna be awesome. I just dont know how Im doing my hair.

Oh yea.....

Be Nice to Me.
I gave blood today.

a lovely convo.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 03:38:48 GMT

BSlo18: but be careful cause theres a wire

"Emily Kostic": oh he said that too!

home away from home

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 16:54:07 GMT

ok so im home for break though i have to drive back down on Thursday morning for my last final. I only had to take two finals this week so i was stoked and my history one was easy as cake. Logic is gonna be a bitch but what can i do? So my plans for break are the following:

(not in this order)

--Work for my dad, make some money
--Apply for jobs here and down at school
--MLC Hibachi
--January 5-7 im stayin wit my sister and seeing my Bergen County RU Family
--Seeing the senior show
--Doing this lunch thing at the h.s where im talkin to underclassmen about college
--Tennis 2005-06 reunion lunch
--Mucho Quatro time
--Traveling to Wildwood with the boys
--Emily and Rae coming to visit
--Slovak Christmas
--Dec. 28 - Tickets to Avenue Q
--Jan. 13th -Phantom of the Opera

Im a busy girl.
But I miss my RU family already.
Seriously, how am I gonna survive without my 4 boys who are like my brothers and who i spend at least 3 hours a day with??
Or Em, Rae and V's craziness??
::Sadness::::
Glad to be home but sad to be away

atta girl

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 03:22:18 GMT

booboox220: the room burnt down
BSlo18: did u try putting something in the microwave
booboox220: yea..pizza
BSlo18: u did a me
BSlo18: well u did threaten to set the fire alarm off at 2 am
booboox220: yea...n therers leprocons running in thongs outside
booboox220: i am i am
booboox220: dont u worry
BSlo18: dustins running around outside? god knows hes small
BSlo18: lol i know hes there too
booboox220: actually he's not...lol
BSlo18: omfg
booboox220: hes taking a shower
BSlo18: :::faints::::: lol figures
booboox220: yea i broke up with him
BSlo18: sure u did. just like the room burnt down
booboox220: yupp
booboox220: n i broke the phone
BSlo18: the latter im betting u did
BSlo18: i told melissa in the car. how much do u wanna bet that veronica cant get the phone cord back in
booboox220: no...it rang agan\in
booboox220: n it pissed me off

a convo from home to my other home. thats my roomie for ya.

some days. some nights.

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 05:02:17 GMT

deadkid112: because i need my sexy sleep
BSlo18: ur sexy sleep?
deadkid112: for girls it would be beauty sleep, but not for guys
BSlo18: i didnt know u could sleep sexy
deadkid112: every morning i wake up look in the mirror and am impressed over how sexy i have become, and every morning, im even more sexy
BSlo18: lol ur so buff its ridiculous. u make all the girls swoon
deadkid112: they are all intimidated by me
deadkid112: and want me so bad, they dont even know
BSlo18: they like matt, just to get to u
BSlo18: cover up
deadkid112: yeah
BSlo18: puhlease i am equally as sexy as u
deadkid112: theres different sexy, man sexy and woman sexy
BSlo18: what do u mean
deadkid112: ur equally as sexy in woman sexy as i am in man sexy

Tom = love. i swear my boys here are like no other people.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:40:30 GMT

First off....boys are confusing. thats a story for another day.
Mel came and visited last weekend which I LOVED. She hit it off with all my friends and I just loved having her here. Shes coming again this weekend, cause she loves Emily (my suitemate) lol

Btw, I love this girl. Emily has captured my heart. lol

ANOTHERLISTEN: I think in a past life I was retarded

she is TOO much.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 17:31:52 GMT

I swear if my roommate doesnt clean today,
my pacifist nature is gonna go out the window.
I seriously am gonna flip a shit if i come back from my history class and i cant see the floor on her side.
Somehow her shit lands on my side of the room all the fucking time. Today, with her boyfriend in the room, she had just left to go to class and he was still there, i freaked out and took all her shit on my side and chucked it onto her side. and just started cleaning. now im putting postits that say clean and other sayings related to cleaning on them all over her side of the room.
think she'll get the message???????
Lets hope so else theres gonna be some shit going down in Chestnut.

turkey day love

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 22:55:27 GMT

gotta love friends. seriously, i think ive lucked out and have some great ones.
This weekend was awesome and I loved seeing all my favorite people.
Particularly, my missing link Teresa and the rest of the quatro and MLC
Last night was just partying and chilling with ppl who I missed.
Seriously, good times are irreplaceable.
Though I still miss and love my RU crew! <3

turkey day

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 06:09:43 GMT

1. What did you do last night?
played flag football and hung out upstairs with Dan and Brian

2. Who’s bed did you sleep in last?
Mine at Rowan

3. What does the 5th text on your phone say?
Ali, saying it was Ali.

4. When was the last time you thought about sex?
a couple minutes ago.

5. When was the last time you got hurt, physically or emotionally?
earlier tonight when i was poked and prodded with a pool stick

6. What did you have for dinner last night?
hmm i think it was student center food.

7. Who did you last wake up next to?
dustin and v were in the bed next to me

8. What are you listening to right now?
DMX lol dont ask

9. What are you eating right now?
Nothing. just finished a brownie

10. What bothers you the most about the opposite sex?
why they dont have the ability to read our minds haha. nah for real though, why they just dont seem to listen or commit

11. What is the thing you look for most in the opposite sex?
sense of humor, trustworthy, smile

12. Are you a virgin?
...lets not say anything there....

13. Have you dated the same person more than once?
yea. dumb ass mother fucker that i am.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
love actually last night with rachel and amanda

15. What was the last tv program you watched?
not sure.

16. What do you want for your birthday?
tickets to a concert or just money

17. What are you doing tonight?
reading, then sleeping.

18. When will be the next vacation/holiday?
This weekend. yay

19. How do you feel right now?
tired as hell and just generally pissed off at certain things

20. What's your favorite city?
New York duh. Philly is not "the city"

21. I can't wait to/till....?
see 1/2 the slovak cousins tomorrow.

23. What's the best insult you've ever heard or saiD ??
most recent was teresa today. "that was the most horrible truth" really only understood with the rest.

24. Who got you to join facebook??
uhhh

25. What's the last thing you said out loud?
"bye guys!"

26. What is the last thing/person you spent a $100 or more on?
books for school and that was by credit.

27. What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
rowan site or facebook

28. Go into your text message log on your phone. What does your last message say?
Brian answering my question bout the movie "Director, I dont know. Actors, Christopher Walken"

29. Do you have an air freshener in your car?
i really dont know haha

30. Do you have plants in your room?
no

31. If you could drink anything right this second, what would be?
water but its all the way in the other room and i dont wanna get up

32. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my knees hurt like a bitch

33. What makes you mad right now?
situation with a certain exboyfriend who makes me wanna hit my head against a wall hard and fast.

34. Whats the last thing that made you smile?
being proud that I backed my moms car into the driveway really well.

The past is the past. some people never learn that you can't take back mistakes but only learn from them.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!

depressiiiiing

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 20:56:17 GMT

why is it that everything good in my life ends up bad.
We just hung up 15 minutes ago and he broke it off.
Like, its more we are mutual and going back to what it was during the summer. Which means friendship. Hes become too much a part of my life that I can't just cut him off. He is too important to me. But at the same time, its so hard to have him 2 1/2 hours away and have to force time to see each other. It's so hard right now. I am still going to talk to him online, call him and we are going to hang out but at the same time its going to suck. I was just.......i dunno. Its just a bitch.

Life is a bitch.

why do they call it the rape trail?

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 05:18:52 GMT

Cause Im obsessed with the musical Rent lately.......

"Seasons of Love"
COMPANY
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of
love.

SOLOIST 1
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

SOLOIST 2
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or
the way that she died.

COMPANY
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember
the love! Remember the love! Remember
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

no no no

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 04:07:15 GMT

BSlo18: i love u melissa
xxMel1kaxx: OH NO YOU ARE COOKED FRIED CRISPY BURNT AND THEN ASH
BSlo18: ive been resulted to chicken then charcoal
xxMel1kaxx: OH NO YOUR THE ASH UNDER THE CHARCOAL THAT GETS BURNED EVERYTIME THE GRILL GETS KLIT

she threatens me but i love her like my sister. hahaha.
pictures speak a thousand words. in her case, they are fighting words. haha.

optimism in style.

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:39:23 GMT

ok i give.
i always thought that the relationship i went through was a bitch. but thats a pebble compared to what my roommate has been going through for the last 3-4 months.
Her ex who she broke up with in august-september is still calling her and pretty much stalking her. Its horrible. From the night he showed up outside our window at 130 when he knew she was sick as a dog, to tonight when he called her at 2 am to bitch and yell at her for NO GOOD REASON. Me and Dusty told her that all he wants is a fight and that she keeps giving it to him. Her parents are friends with him and they are both oblivious to how psycho her ex is. He just kept yelling and yelling, even when she kept telling him all she wanted was to sleep and talk about it in the morning. He is just....psycho its horrible. Im seriously downplaying how bad he is. Its at the point where she really should start considering restraining order. I'll be the first to say that his actions are ridiculous.
Just makes me think that all the bitching and moaning i would do about my whole scenarios.....
As Veronica says, smile cause it could always be worse.

a clean room...wtf

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 20:56:00 GMT

Baking cookies never was so funny.
Well I didnt really bake them cause last time I tried cooking in Melissas house i burnt noodles...while stirring. Im not exactly the most graceful.
So yesterday was one of the busiest days I have ever had. Church in the morning cause Mel dragged me there. It was so weird cause I havent been to church in 3 years. We raided shop rite and started baking. But my dad needed help on the roof of our house so luckily me I got to be up on the roof (great when your afraid of heights) So over the next three hours me and Mel baked like 10 dozen cookies , well she did. I watched and ate. lol Oh and danced to oldies music.
Drove up to monmouth and saw Jball and Jas again to give them some of the cookies.
SAW THE BOYFRIEND.
lol I was so excited to see him. We hung out in his dorm then drove to applebees and ate dinner. We drove to the mall then and got our tickets for Borat. We had time to kill so he showed me his favorite spot down by the beach to fish. It was ....gorgeous. Especially under a full moon. If it wasnt so cold it would have been better.
The movie was AMAZING. some parts made you question your sanity but other parts were just classic. I really want to see it again and see the special features. Thats a movie I want to buy when its on dvd. Anyway, Back at Rowan now and missing Sean already but its ok. I'll be home for homecoming.
This is one crazy ass school but I love it all the same.

400 miles from where I am known...and I think I have found a second home.

imagine.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 01:12:56 GMT

Lets see.
I got home thursday night and went to friendlys where me and Mel helped ellen close up and clean. I just love hanging with my two best girls. I always miss their craziness. They just...get it. Anywho, Friday, I woke up and drove to Monmouth where I met JBall and we walked in the cold around MU's campus. Then we met Jen in her awesome new dorm. As big a hassle as her roomie is, she loves being away. And I am so happy for her. I had a blast hanging with them, being silly. Especially being confused as sisters with Jas at the Shoprite haha. I just love being with my MLC. I slept over at MU and I loved it. lol Today was shopping for xmas clothes and food. then it was sister time with Nicole. I love my family, but they drive me up a wall like any other families. haha. Anywho, tonight Im gonna accomplish some homework cause tomorrow is going to be brunch with the sis then its boyfriend time haha. Im driving up round 4ish to Monmouth (Again!) and Im gonna have dinner and spend some quality time with the boy in my life haha. Ive missed him like crazy especially after we both had stressful weeks.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 21:13:09 GMT

ugh.

boys.

lips of an angel

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 06:44:49 GMT

3 more days. unfortunately today i have too much to do.....but
I hate having him so "Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

all the shit u put me threw, im not going back to you

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 18:08:55 GMT

God knows when it comes to you, I am Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

its bad when i rely on the dixie chicks for words

stupid ass ppl

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 18:42:53 GMT

dont you love it.
when the guy who was a big ass to you not once but twice, is somehow friends with your best friend, your sister almost. And your friend starts talking to you bout how he still feels for you and how bad hes feeling
well hate to break it to you...
but i dont give a shit.
All the shit I went through cause of him last year. I dont need that again.
Not when I am an hour and a half south of him and two and a half hours from the guy I care about most in this world.
He can fuck himself cause I am so happy right now.
Ive learned through the experience of THAT ordeal from last year. I dont need it again. Not anymore.
Especially when your best friend takes the side of the ass on account of not yet having met your boyfriend. Im sorry that he worked all summer and works every weekend? and that pretty much I barely have time to see him alone let alone have him meet anyone else. He met Jess and Jen cause they both go to monmouth. GAH. She says shes happy im happy. but i know she just doesnt want me to see me hurt again.
THEN WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME ABOUT DAVE?
Dont
stop
i dont want to
and im not
im happy
so fuck him.

<3